I’ve been noticing this article circulating amongst my female friends on my Facebook wall for the past few days. At first, I resisted looking at it. The second time, I read the first paragraph, closed it and went on to do something else.
The third time though, I read it from beginning to end. The big thing I got was this: a big man wrote it. By a big man I mean person who has left the confines of his ego to really care about the well-being of others. I think perhaps the reason I resisted is out of this fear of being a big man; perhaps the reason I finally did read it was because I needed to be a bigger man. This was something that could I inspire and it did.
One paragraph that resonated with me was this one:
Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.
In the past, I’ve definitely shared this view sex is something I ‘get’ or ‘take’ from someone. To see where this came from (deep-lying misogyny) and what is possible when viewing sex as a gift (a sense of worth) is empowering.
Which leads me to this TED talk about using Pizza as a metaphor for sex. (Watch it and you’ll understand)
What I get from both the video and article is a sense of freedom when it comes to sex. It’s not about getting something, or tricking someone, or unlocking a door, it is an activity we choose to mutually enjoy.
Isn’t that liberating? Isn’t that awesome?